Knight In Shining Armour
by IOnlyShipSlash
Summary: Cook loves Freddie. The same Freddie who manages to land himself in a very unhealthy relationship. Cook always promised himself he'd be Freddie's knight in shining armour, but is that a promise he'll be able to keep forever? FROOK/SLASH
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Cook's POV

Alright, first thing's first; I'm not gay. Don't get me wrong, I've got nothin' against fags, but I don't swing that way. That's why your guess is as good as mine as to why for as long as I can remember, I've been, for lack of a better phrase, 'in love' with my best mate. Maybe it's Freddie's golden skin, or the way his dark hair never quite lays flat. Maybe it's his contagious smile, or his smoldering eyes that somehow still manage to be so gentle, or his kindness and genuine care for other people (something I've failed to find in anyone else and failed harder to practice myself). Whatever it is, it's endearing as fuck.

I look up and catch his eye across the room. He cracks a hint of a smile, then continues talking to some giant of a lad I've never seen before. I feel a pang in my chest and avert my eyes, the thought of him talking to somebody else when he could be talking to me being too much to bear.

I scan the room for a distraction, my eyes eventually landing on Panda and Eff. I lift my pint and make my way over to them through the crowd. Pandora immediately latches on to me as I approach, almost collapsing in the process, and showing just how pissed she is.

"Cookie!" she slurs.

I smile in return and try to carefully detach her from me. "Steady on, Panda!" I chuckle.

Effy looks up at me and smirks before looking around the room briefly. I can feel that she's looking for Freddie. I know that she somehow knows everything, that she can see my feelings for Freds, and she knows that I know that she knows. Fuck that, I'm not sober enough to even try to think that through.

"So, ladies. Where's everyone else fucked off to then?"

"Everyone went back to Naomi's."

I consider this for a moment. "Even Katie?"

Beat. "Even Katie." Effy responds.

I open my mouth to reply with some sarcastic (and most likely derogatory) remark, but am interrupted by the sound of Pandora vomiting on the club floor. I can hear Effy sigh under her breath, not in embarrassment, but in concern. She can pretend she doesn't care about anything as much as she bloody likes but she can't hide the fact that in her heart she truly does love Panda platonically, mind you). I can see her try to pass it off as a simple breath, but I know better. When Pandora begins to cry, Effy crouches down to her level and wraps an arm around her back before standing and making eye contact with me. She gives me a small nod and then proceeds to guide her clearly distressed friend out of the building and I presume, home.

Great, alone again. Trying to avoid looking awkward, I settle my gaze back on Freddie, who's still talking to that guy who must be about 10-fucking-foot tall. I guess I have no choice but to head over there then. Freddie spots me right before I reach them and grins that same grin that has plagued and blessed my dreams for years.

"The Cookie-monster is here!" I exclaim with a laugh.

"Yeah we can see that, tosser." Freddie replies fondly, wrapping his arms around me and slapping my back as I pull him into a casual embrace. I'm sure I can feel the guy Freds was talking to glaring daggers at me, not that I can blame him, but fuck it. After I pull away I allow my hand to linger on the small of his back and we both turn to face Freddie's company.

"Josh, meet Cook. Cook, meet Josh."

I don't think Freddie can feel the heavy awkwardness in the air as me and Josh ("'Josh and I'", I can hear JJ correcting in the back of my mind) shake hands. We exchange slightly disgruntled 'Nice to meet you's and I can hear the envy in Josh's voice as he looks at my hand on Freddie's back. So that's how this is, is it? Well, I get some pretty shitty vibes from the guy and I've always been alright at reading people, so fuck him. Who the fuck does this guy think he is? Trying is on with _my_ Freddie... I'm pulled from my thought by Freds' voice.

"So Josh and I were considering heading over to The Paradise Inn. You comin'?"

As much as I wanted to be with Freddie and to keep an eye on this Josh character, I don't trust myself to not punch his lights out whenever he talks to my Freds. "Nah mate, I'm alright. I'm just gonna go home and 'ave a kip. College tomorrow, innit."

Freddie knows somethings off. I've never given a shit about college and I've also never gone home when given another option. But, he doesn't push it.

"Um," He begins, clearly unsure of what to say next. "Alright then, see you tomorrow I guess."

I smile and walk away, but I don't go home. I walk for what seems like hours before finally allowing myself to collapse on a grassy hill near the college. I lay there, spliff in hand and just watching the sky change colour. Honestly, this is the calmest I've been in a long time, but even now I can feel anger bubbling somewhere under the surface. I close my eyes, thinking about Freddie. Thinking about the memories we've shared. Thinking about his velvety voice.

Thinking about Josh.

Fuck it. Fredster and me will be friend's 'til the end and like fuck am I gonna let some tree with dark hair and green eyes come between us. Because, well...

Because I'm Cook.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Freddie's POV

The sun is already beginning to rise when Josh and I finally start to settle down. After leaving the pub we make our way back to my shed. As we enter I wonder if I'm betraying my friends by letting an 'outsider' into our place. I brush the troublesome thought off however when I hear Josh yawn beside me.

"Tired?" I tease, giggling as he looks at me with an expression of mock-annoyance playing on his features. His face softens and he chuckles along with me.

"You could say that, aha."

We sit on the couch in comfortable silence for a few moments. Sitting here with a boy I only met a few hours ago, I'm the most at ease I've felt in a while. Strange, huh? I feel another slight twist in my stomach as the idea that in thinking that I may once again be betraying my friends, but I can't help it. It's not that I feel uncomfortable around them, it's just that I'm never totally relaxed around Cook. He's predictably unpredictable, if that makes any sense whatsoever. He always keeps me guessing and leaves me in a state that's never 100% tranquil. There's also the matter that whenever we make eye contact or touch, there's always an odd spark in my chest, like a jolt of electricity. It's not unpleasant, but I don't understand it and sometimes, that scares me a little. I've chalked it up to the incredibly (see: worryingly) strong bond we have as friends. At first I thought there was something wrong with me. That was until on one of the many night we spent getting drunk and stoned in this very shed, Cook admitted that he felt it too. We never spoke of it since then.

I wonder what was up with Cook earlier. I'll have to ask him tomorrow.

I look to my left and notice that Josh has fallen asleep. Sighing, I look out of the window, knowing that college starts not long from now.

"May as well get a few hours." I mutter to myself. I close my eyes, feeling myself being gently submerged into dreams of green eyes.

And my best friend.

TIME-SKIP (A FEW HOURS)

I wake to the sound of my father pounding in the shed door.

"Freddie! You're late!"

I close my eyes for a few moments before sighing and trying to sit up. _Trying._ I'm stopped by a heavy arm around my waist. Confused, I turn my head to find Josh still sleeping, holding me somewhat possessively. I sigh once again before lightly nudging Josh with my elbow.

"Josh... Josh... Josh!"

Suddenly his eyes snap open. He halfheartedly glares at me, clearly not happy about being woken up, but too tired to express that properly.

"I have to get up." I explain. "College."

"Oh, come on." He sighs. "Fuck it."

"I'm already late. I really have to get up." I insist.

Sighing again, he reluctantly removes his arm from around my waist. For reasons I can't understand, never-mind explain, I miss it. I shake my head slightly at myself and stand.

"Come up to my room if you want."

Josh just nods, yawning.

We don't see my dad on the way up luckily. It's too early in the morning for awkward introductions. Not seconds after I open the door to my room is Josh collapsed on my bed and I can't suppress a laugh. I attempt to take my shirt of with my left hand, my right in the closet rummaging for another one. I really should tidy up in here...

I hear Josh sit up on my bed and I can feel his eyes boring into me. I'm still struggling to get my shirt over my head when I feel myself stumble and fall backwards. I brace myself, expecting to hit the floor. However, the contact was never made as I looked up and saw Josh.

"Easy..." He chuckled out, steadying me as I tried to regain my balance. I can feel a blush spreading across my cheeks and immediately turn back to the wardrobe, awkwardly thanking him. I can still feel his eyes on me as I pull a plain green shirt over my head. Fuck the jeans, they were clean on yesterday. I scan the floor for a hoodie, eventually finding a red one under the bed.

A thought suddenly dawns on me. "Where do you live, by the way?" I ask, turning to face Josh.

"You're no a stalker or anything, are you?" He jokes, and can't help but laugh.

"Maybe, maybe not." I reply tauntingly. "Seriously though, you local or...?"

"Yeah, not too far from here. I presume you go to Roundview, right?" He replies, and I nod. "I'll walk you."

"Safe."

We make small talk as we make our way to college, discussing the news, friends, family, etc... When Josh asks about my parents, he goes deadly quiet as I talk about my mum. Talking about her has become easier over time, but the sorrow I feel when thinking about her is still palpable, though I suppose it always will be. He rests a comforting hand on my shoulder.  
"That's rough, man. I suppose I can kind of understand how you feel on some level. My dad walked out on me and my mum when I was 12. Found out 2 years later that he was dead. Drug overdose. We'd never been all that close but... well, he was my dad."

I can hear the pain lacing his voice as he speaks. I return the gesture and place my hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." I say.

"Don't be."

We spent the rest of the journey in silence. We stopped when we reached the gate and looked at each other.

"Nice to meet you mate."

He looks at me and smiles. "Yeah." He says before pulling out a pen and pushing up my sleeve. When he let go, I looked down to see a phone number scrawled just about legibly on my arm. I smiled.

"I'd better go. I'm late."

"Yeah." He says again. "Text me." He walks about half way down the road before I finally turn and head into the building, pulling out my phone a pressing in the digits on my arm. I'll text him later.

Now, fuckin' biology.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

No POV

The lab door opened slowly, only being noticed by a few students. Cook was one of them. He looked around to see Freddie, who smirked at him and Cook let out a laughing-breath.

"And why are you late, Mr McLair?" Mr Dobbs questioned before even turning around to face the class. He raised one grey eyebrow when he received only silence and a sheepish look as a reply.

"Yeah Mr McLair, where've you been?" "Do you know what time it is?" Several members of the class mocked. They were only joking of course, but Cook could see Freddie becoming uncomfortable as his face began to turn pink. As adorable as he found the blush, Cook felt the overwhelming need to be a knight in shining armour. _Freddie's_ knight in shining armour.

"Leave 'im alone yeah. At least he showed up. I know I fuckin' wouldn't have."

Everyone quietened down.

"That's quite enough Mr Cook!"

Cook raised his arms casually in surrender. The elderly man grumbled something about 'this generation' in disdain and turned back to the board, continuing his diagram of the human lungs. Freddie smiled at Cook gratefully. Cook just winked at him, grinning, and turned back to face the front of the classroom. This was the first time he'd actually bothered to show up to this lesson. It wasn't too bad if he was being honest, but he certainly wouldn't be returning. The only reason he came was because Freddie was in that lesson and Cook just wanted to know that he was okay and that that Josh bloke hadn't tried anything. Freddie seemed okay, and Cook was satisfied with that. As long as Freddie was safe Cook would always manage to get by. And he always _would_ be safe. Cook would make sure of it. He'd long since promised himself that he'd protect Freddie at any cost. See, Freddie was vulnerable. He was sensitive, naive, trusting, far too innocent for a world as fucked up as this. People would try to take advantage of him, try to hurt him. But Cook was determined to keep that from happening.

The bell signaling the end of the period sounded, followed by the sound of hundreds of footsteps and voices in the corridors as students flooded out of their lessons.

"Ayy, Fredster." Cook slapped Freddie's back. Freddie smiled in return before looking around casually, as if looking for something, or someone. "Where's JJ?" He asked.

"Got the flu." Cook replied without missing a beat. Freddie's eyes briefly flashed with concern but the look was gone as fast as it had come. "Come on man, fuck English-lit. I've got spliff."

"Cook..." Freddie looked at him apprehensively, shaking his head.

"Freddie. Freddie. Freddie! Freddie!"

"Okay fine, fuck it!"

Cook's POV

I grin at how little effort it took to convince my friend before deciding to do something a little more risky than I'd normally do; I take Freddie's hand in my own. It's not as of we're awkward about touching each other and showing affection, as one of us always has a hand on the other's shoulder or back, but somehow hand holding seems much more...intimate? Freddie doesn't appear to think much of it though, merely rolling his eyes and giggling as I drag him away.

It doesn't take us long to find a spot on the campus fields out of the way of everyone near the back. As soon as we sit down I take out a joint that I rolled on the hill this morning out of my pocket and spark up, taking a few drags before handing it to Freddie and laying down. Seconds later, Freddie joins me and hands me back the spliff. We stay like that for a long time, the only sound being the whistling of the wind and exhales of smoke as we're too far away from people to hear any voices.

"Josh gave me his number." Freddie says nonchalantly. I take a large drag from the spliff and hold it in for a few moments, trying to calm my jealous instincts before replying. I don't know how Freddie expects me to answer, so I just reply with a deceptively apathetic-sounding "Cool." More silence.

When I think I'm collected enough, I ask "So, what happened last night then?"

"Not much. We just talked for a long time and went back to mine."

"Cool. He an alright lad then?"

"Yeah, I suppose."

I muster up every ounce of self-control I can find within myself before turning to Freddie and look at him. "Freds?" Freddie looks at me expectantly. "Josh; he didn't do owt...weird or anything, did he?"

Freddie furrows his eyebrows, seemingly confused and surprised by my question. He considers it for a few seconds and then shakes his head. "Not really. I mean, I woke up this morning and couldn't even sit up because his arm was wrapped around me like a bloody anaconda, which was a little odd I guess. But no, nothing too strange. Why do you ask?"

What Freddie tells me about Josh's arm infuriates me, but I'm glad that nothing else happened. "No reason really. Just got some strange vibes off the guy. Nothin' serious."

Freddie nods and turns his eyes back to the clouds. He passes the spliff back to me for the last drags, which I take before tossing it behind us and pulling out another one. Freddie chuckles, and I look at him, curious. He takes one look at my face before laughing harder. I guess the weed's starting to kick in then. "What's so funny?" I grin at him.

"How many of those fucking things do you have? We finish one and you've practically already lit another!" He begins to laugh again, harder this time, and fuck me but I can't help but laugh along with him. He just looks so fuckin' happy. Tears are streaming down his face as his laughter ascends into hysterical territory and I swear to god it can't get much better than this. Laying in the sun with the person you love as they smile and laugh and you know that in that moment they're filled with nothing but joy.  
I spark up the spliff and pass it to Freddie. I watch as his lips close around the end and he sucks the smoke into his mouth and then into his lungs. They look pink and soft, and I can't seem to think about anything other that kissing them.

I know I seem out of character because, fuck, I'm Cook. I'm Cook. I'm fuckin' Cook! I'm Cook and I'm in love with my best mate. Nobody (with the possible and unofficial exception of Effy) knows, and that's the way it's got to stay. So I continue to go out and fuck all these sluts because I'm Cook and that's how I've always handled my problems. Yet, part of me still aches whenever I do because no matter how hard I try to tell myself that it doesn't matter, that it _shouldn't_ matter, the fact is that they're not Freddie. They're not my Freds and they never will be because he's one of a kind.

He's always been the only one for me.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Freddie's POV

Cook and I, several spliffs on, still lay on the field. We talk without any real subject and giggle without any real comedy until the end of the college day. It kind of goes unspoken that we'll both be making our way back to the shed. We somehow manage to stand without falling, dizziness impairing me. It's at that moment that I realize I have yet to text Josh. I pull out my phone as we walk the familiar streets back to my place and find his contact in my phone.

'hey its freddie. hru?' I pit my phone on vibrate and slip it back into my pocket. Cook almost falling off the curb beside me catches my attention. "Oops..." He beams, chuckling at himself.

"Tosser." I say, but I can't help the smile that plays on my lips. I feel my phone buzz against my leg and I flip it open. One new message. I select it from the list of texts and open it. It reads: 'Hey. I'm ok thanks, wbu?'

'yeah im 2?'

'Not much, u?'

'w/ cook. A tad stoned tbh ahahaha'

The conversation consists of small talk while Cook sings seemingly every football chant in history to the right of me. My phone buzzes again. 'Wait, u on market street?' My head snaps up quickly and I look around.

"Hey Freds, don't you go gettin' all paranoid on me."

"Shut up." I brush him off, still scanning the area. That's when I see Josh crossing the street towards us.

"Freddie!" He greets me with a smile. "What are the odds?"

Cook stops singing and turns around. Once he sees who it is, he expression darkens in a way that no one but I would be able to notice.

"Hey man, what the actual fuck? What a coincidence!" I laugh out, still kind of baked may I remind you.

"I know!" He exclaims. "Hey Cook." Josh seems...uncomfortable somehow.

"Hi."

I look at Cook, confused by his suddenly dull tone of voice and short reply, but I'll interrogate him about that later. "We were just heading back to mine, if you want to join us?" I offer.

"Sure, I've got nothing better to do."

And so we go.

TIME SKIP (ABOUT AN HOUR)

The three of us sit on the shed floor, Cook sparking up yet another spliff. Josh hasn't had much, just enough to make him seem more comfortable than he did before. Cook takes a couple of drags before passing it to me and I do the same, passing it over to Josh. I don't quite know what came over me but I get the idea to tell Josh about the first day of college, when Cook completed Effy's list of dares. Being stoned, by the end of it we're all in tears, stomachs aching from laughing so hard. We eventually manage to calm ourselves down and suddenly feel an arm around my shoulders. I follow the arm to its body and look up. Josh looks down at me, making me feel fucking tiny, and laughs. "What's so funny?" I ask, almost laughing myself, though I'm not sure what at exactly. Josh just continues to laugh before finally replying. "You." He laughs again as my mind begins to go into overdrive, paranoid stoner mode about to be activated. "Me?" I ask, chuckling awkwardly. "Did I say something stupid?"

"No, you're just adorable when you're high." He says. The corners of my mouth turn upwards but honestly I'm not sure if I'm smiling or grimacing. "And when you're embarrassed."

I look away, feeling incredibly awkward. My eyes land on Cook, whose face looks stormy. He looks like he's using every ounce of self-control he's got, his eyes wild staring at Josh and fists clenched and his breathing heavy. What's his deal? Again, it's not something I can really question him about properly with company, so for now I have to settle for a simple "You alright mate?"

He blinks and turns to me, as if snapped out of some sort of day dream. "What? 'Course I'm alright you tosser." He lets out a hyena laugh and also throws his arm around me. "You sure you're alright mate?"

Okay, I'm confused. What's he trying to pull? I just nod in response. I look him in the eye. There are the sparks again. I feel them crackling like a small campfire inside my chest. Familiar, and yet so foreign. I know that concept is hard to grasp, but so is everything when it comes to Cook. The minute something seems to be straight forward you should already be expecting anything, which usually results in nothing happening, which means it was never simple to begin with. It's a vicious paradox but honestly, as troublesome as it can be, our friendship wouldn't be the same without it. I shake my head slightly, deciding to leave the thought for sober Freddie.

Josh leaves a couple of hours after that and Cook becomes notably more carefree. He's trying to convince me to come to some party tonight.  
"Come on Freds, it'll be sick!"

"No."

"Fredster, its gonna be fuckin' ace!"  
"No."

"Come on, everyone's going! It won't be the same without you."

I sigh. Why does he have to be so headstrong? "Oh, alright."

Cook pulls a face somewhat resembling the Cheshire cat. However, I'm not done yet. "Alright, but only if you tell me what the fuck was wrong with you back there."

Cook's expression turns puzzled, clearly urging me to elaborate. "With Josh earlier. You looked like you just swallowed a fucking chilli or somethin'."

After a few moments, a look of understanding takes over his face. "Oh, that? It wasn't that bad, stop bein' such a girl you twat. I just thought that he was being pretty fuckin' creepy and invasive."

I can tell that's not the whole story and that there was more to it than that, but I guess they'll have to do for now. Hold on a sec... "Wait, why do you care? He didn't say anything to you." He looks at me like I'm a complete tosser for a moment before relaxing considerably. "Because I fuckin' love you, don't I? You're my best mate. Of course I'm gonna care if some creep is all over you. The guy couldn't even keep his 'ands to 'imself."

"Hey, he's not that bad. I think he's pretty sound." I don't know why I'm getting so defensive about Josh. I barely even know the guy.

Cook just raises an eyebrow and shakes his head, though seemingly more to himself than to me. "Anyway," he says, clasping his hands. "We've got a party to go to."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Freddie's POV

It's about five in the morning when Cook and I finally stumble out of whoever-it-was' kitchen window. Their parents came home and their father went straight for the illegally-owned shotgun in the bedroom. Needless to say the house emptied rather quickly. We stagger out down the road, still feeling the effects of whatever it was we drank in there. Cook just laughs at nothing, or maybe it's something that I'm missing, and places a kiss to the side of my head. I close my eyes tightly and grimace before chuckling. It's not particularly unpleasant but I'm caught off-guard, as usual.

As soon as we arrive at mine we practically collapse onto the bed. The last thing I hear before everything goes dark is Cook's voice. "I fuckin' love you man."

TIME SKIP

It's been 2 days since the party and Josh and I have been texting constantly. Whenever my phone vibrates I can't control the smile that automatically appears on my face and I don't know _why._ There's just something about him that makes me feel something I've never felt before. I'm soon removed from my thought bubble when I feel the familiar buzzing sensation in my hand. I don't even need to check who it is before I open it.

'hey, meet me at pub in 10? x'

'sure :) x'

Never really been one for kisses on texts, but hey. I run to the bathroom to brush my teeth and fix my hair a little, then proceed to walk to the pub. Josh is outside having a fag when I get there. He greets me politely and offers me a drag, which I gladly take. We don't say anything for a while but just give each other sideways glances and laugh quietly. When the cigarette's burned down to the filter we make our way to the bar.

"Buy you a drink?" Josh offers.

"Nah you're alright mate."

"Ah, but I insist."

I relent and allow Josh to buy me a pint, on the condition that he allows me to but the next round. We drink in silence until Josh opens his mouth, looking as if he's struggling to find the words to say.

"I meant what I said the other day you know."

I look at him, thoroughly confused. He seems to get the hint because he laughs slightly under his breath and speaks again. "In the shed. You really _are quite_ adorable."

I don't know what to say. Part of me is internally cringing massively. However, I can't control the smile that etches onto my face because _it makes me feel good._ I know it shouldn't and I can't explain why it does but I like the attention and Josh and god help me but I really like him.

He looks at me with that look and I know he knows. He downs the rest of his beer and stands up. Taking my hand, he begins to walk away and I couldn't have stayed where I was even I wanted to. We duck into and ally behind the pub and suddenly his lips are on mine. Electricity courses through me. He pushes me against the wall and the kissing intensifies. I can feel his tongue intertwine with mine and with this person that I met only days before, I've never felt so alive. We finally break away from each other and he rests his forehead on mine. I look him dead in the eye.

"What are we?" I ask, heart pounding.

He smirks. "What do you want us to be?"

"I'm not gay."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Do you like me?"

He responds by kissing me again and that's the only conformation I need. I don't know what to say, but it turns out _I_ don't have to say anything. He does the talking for me.

"Be my boyfriend?"

I smile so wide I feel like my face is splitting in half. I don't care if I look like an idiot. I'm fucking ecstatic. I nod and he pulls me against him into a somehow both bone-crushing and gentle embrace. That made no sense, did it? Oh, who cares? Josh is my boyfriend and for some reason that makes me so unbelievably, terrifyingly, wonderfully happy.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Cook's POV

I wait at the college gate for Freddie. He should have been here about 10 minutes ago. Strange, not like him to be late really. I don't have time to worry however before I see him, skateboard in hand.

"Sorry I'm late." He says apologetically.

"Yeah, you fuckin' should be!" I tease. We both laugh, but I can tell he's nervous about something. I'll see if he brings it up before I interrogate him. "Right, so we haven't got anything on until 4th period."

"Cook, English-lit starts in 5 minutes. You already made me miss the last one."

I roll my eyes. "I meant we haven't got anything _worth giving a fuck about_ until 4th period."

He smirks at me. "Alright. Point taken."

"Yeah that's what I fuckin' thought." I say. "Let's go down t' pub."

Freddie says nothing, but follows when I begin walking away.

When we reach the pub we order our drinks (pints obviously, no prissy girl drinks here.) and opt for sitting outside and making the most of the once-in-a-blue-moon good weather. I can still see that he's anxious about something and decide that I've given him enough time to bring it up himself.

"Come on man. What's up?"

He just blinks at me, indicating that I need to elaborate. "You. You look like a guy in prison who's just dropped the fucking soap."

He sighs and closes his eyes, seemingly mentally preparing himself to say whatever it is he's about to tell me. "Cook...I have to tell you something. All I'm asking of you is to not hate me for what I'm about to tell you."

I stare at him, dumbfounded that he thinks _I could hate him._ "Look, you're my best mate. I fuckin' love you to bits. Whatever it is you've done can't be that bad and it _definitely_ can't be bad enough to make me _hate_ you."

He doesn't look convinced, but takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. He turns and looks me in the eye.

"I'm dating Josh."

I stare at him for a minute, unable to believe what I'd just heard. He's dating Josh? What the fuck? But he's not gay. And if he _is_ , then why _Josh?_ Him, of all people! Why not _me?_

"Cook...I-"

"What the fuck!?" I shout, unable to control myself. Freddie just looks at me, then at the ground. "Since when are you a _fucking fag_!? What _the fuck_ are you doin'!?"

Freddie doesn't look up. He stands, keeping his eyes fixed on the ground. Neither of us say anything. People have noticed the commotion and are staring, wondering if there's going to be a fight. After a few moments which felt like hours, Freddie finally looks at me. I can see that his eyes are glistening with stubbornly-unshed tears. The words he says next hit me like a ton of bricks.

"I told you not to hate me."

I close my eyes, hating myself. I open my mouth to say something, _anything,_ to show him that I don't hate him, but he's already gone. Everyone is still staring.

" _What the fuck do you lot want!?"_ I yell, shaking with emotion. They all look away, probably frightened by the outburst. And then I'm running. I don't know where to or what from, but I'm running as fast as I can. I run until I can't run anymore and fall to my knees, tears streaming down my face.

"FUCK!" I scream to the sky. I pound my fists against the ground until they're bruised and bloody.

I promised him I wouldn't hate him. I _don't_ hate him. Oh my god, he thinks I hate him. What the fuck have I done? I don't think I'll ever forget the look of betrayal in his eyes. I fucking made him cry. I promised myself I'd never let anyone hurt him and yet look at me. Why do I always fuck everything up? I can never make anything stay with me for long. I fuckin' love 'im. I love him more that I've ever loved anything. He probably hates me now. I don't know what to do. There's no way I can explain why I did what I did without telling him everything.

Fuck. I bet he's with Josh right now.

 _Josh's hands grip Freddie's hips._

No.

 _Freddie's are tangled in Josh's hair._

Stop.

 _A gasp falls from Freddie's parted lips as Josh kisses along his jawline and down his throat._

Fuck.

 _Josh's hand travel back, inducing a pleasure-filled moan from Freddie._

STOP.

My fists clench and soon I'm beating them against the ground again, ignoring the throbbing pain I already feel in them. Images of Freddie and Josh continue to fill my mind and I can't bear it.

I breathe deeply, trying to calm myself. _1...2...3...inhale...1...2...3...exhale...1...2...3...inhale...1...2...3...exhale._

I continue this pattern for several minutes. I can feel my heart rate slowing down and my fists unclench.

I stand and get ready to leave, not bothering to dust myself off but wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. The salty water makes the cuts sting but at this point I really don't care.

As soon as I reach my bedroom, I allow myself to collapse onto my bed, the image of Freddie's tear-filled eyes haunting my dreams.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Freddie's POV

I sit on my bed, hands covering my mouth, fighting back tears. I may have just lost my best mate. Cooks voice echoes inside my head.

" _Since when are you a fucking fag!? What the fuck are you doin'!?"_

I squeeze my eyes shut. I can't cry. I mustn't cry. I can't help it though when salty tears begin to trickle slowly down my cheeks.

Suddenly though, I'm overcome with anger. Who _the fuck_ does he think he is? He had no right to say those things! What does he know!? He's supposed to be my _best friend._ The rage soon subsides however when my thoughts are flooded with memories from the day Cook and I first met when we were 11 to all the times we've got high in my shed and once again an overwhelming sense of sorrow washes over me. I can't handle this. I need a distraction. I pull out my phone and punch in the number, not bothering to check it before pressing enter. I bring the receiver to my ear and hear the sound of ringing.

"Pick up." I whisper. "Pick up. Pick up."

"Hey." I hear the familiar deep voice.

"Hey. I'm sorry, I just..." I trail off, trying to keep my voice steady and contain the sobs threatening to escape my lips.

"Freddie," Josh asks, concern evident in his voice. "whats wrong?"

I shake my head, not even caring that he can't see. "I'm just fucking done."

"Are you at home?" He asks.

"Yes." I force out.  
Pause.

"I'm coming over." He says firmly and then hangs up.

I drop the phone and bring my knees to my chest, burying my face in them and trying to stop my breath from shaking.

It's only a matter of minutes before I hear the door open and footsteps coming up the stairs and across the landing. They stop outside my door and the handle turns. The door slowly creaks open. I don't look up. Strong arms encircle me and I'm pulled against a warm body. I wrap my own arms around his waist and suddenly I'm sobbing into his chest. I draw in hiccuping breaths, tears streaming down my face uncontrollably. God, when did I become so weak? We stay like this for what feels like hours, me breaking down and Josh just holding me, whispering muffled sweet nothing into my hair. When the tears finally begin to slow we still don't move. My body's gone limp against his and he cradles me in his arms like you would a delicate china doll.

Eventually, I pull away with much reluctance. Taking in a shuddery breath, I let out a weak chuckle. "I'm sorry."

"You've got nothin' to be sorry for."

I smile faintly and rest my head on his shoulder. He brings his arm up around my shoulders. We sit in silence for a while before he clears his throat and poses the question I've been both expecting and dreading. "You gonna tell me what's up then?"

Tears once again spring to my eyes but I manage to blink them back. "I told Cook." Josh remains silent, waiting for me to continue. "Let's just say he didn't take it so well."

"Whatever he said, I'm sure he didn't mean it." Josh reassures me. I just shake my head, not knowing what to say. He stares at me for a moment.

"Let's watch a film." He suggests out of the blue. I consider the idea.

"Sure." I agree.

We pull out my laptop and open Netflix. We scroll through the list of titles for a short time, ultimately deciding on some shitty horror movie. We don't really watch it anyway to be honest. We lay back on the bed and look into each others eyes. It's hard to believe we only met just over a week ago. Relationships that budded as quickly and beautifully as this were usually a thing of teen girl romance novels and bullshit chick flicks. He reaches for my hand and we intertwine our fingers. We lay like this for what feels like forever, neither of us following the plot of the slasher movie playing in the background. I forget it's even there until the volume seems to increase dramatically when the killer's chainsaw embeds itself into the torso of a teen aged boy. I jump and put a hand over my heart, breathing out heavily. "Fuckin' hell!" I giggle out, Josh laughing along with me and squeezing my hand. I gaze at him, captivated by emerald eyes. He leans in slowly, gently placing his lips against mine. I melt into the kiss and feel him softly bite my bottom lip, asking for entrance, which I allow, parting my lips and deepening the kiss. His hands travel down my torso to hold my hips, whilst mine end up fisting in his dark hair. His hand descends into the front of my boxers, and I don't know why but I panic. I pull away and grab his wrist. He looks at me, confused. "What?" He asks, and I honestly don't know what to say. I struggle to find words and within this time his hand is already in my pants again. "Stop." I say, 'though I'm not quite sure why I'm so bothered.

"Why?" He queries, looking mildly hurt.

"I just don't want to." I reply, uncomfortable.  
"I thought you liked me..." The words make my gut twist with guilt.

"I do!" I quickly assure him. "Really, I do. It's just that-"

"If you liked me," he says, cutting me off. "you wouldn't push me away like this."

...maybe I'm over-reacting. Yeah, that must be it. If my actions were justified, the look of hurt on Josh's face wouldn't get to me so much. "You're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stopped you." I say, genuinely apologetic. He smiles.

"It's alright. Just, try not to do it again, yeah?" He replies.

"Yeah."

And then his hands and back, touching my dick and I don't know why but it still doesn't feel right. The thought doesn't bother me for long, however, when blood begins to rush to my cock. I can't stifle the moans when Josh begins to pump it, squeezing gently, firmly, and most of all, skillfully. It doesn't take long before my back arches and I cum in Josh's hand. I lay there, panting, and he removes his hand from my waistband. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a Kleenex. The guy came prepared I guess. He cleans off his hand and I feel myself beginning to drift off. Josh stays next to me, perfectly still, presumably falling asleep. I allow my eyes to flutter closed.  
When they open again, the clock reads 9:14 PM, meaning I've slept about 6 hours. I look to my right and realize that Josh has gone. I remember the incident from earlier and decide it would be wise to have a shower. Reluctantly, I pull myself out of bed and into the bathroom. I turn the water on and step in. I wonder why it felt so wrong earlier. I mean, I like Josh, don't I? Why should I care about him jacking me off? That's what couples did, right? I've done more with girls in less time so it can't be that it was too fast. Sighing, I brush the thoughts off and pour shampoo onto my hand and lather it into my hair.

I think about Cook. Fuck. What am I gonna do? Josh said he probably didn't mean it, but he didn't see the look in his eyes. He was _fuming._ He must have been disgusted...

I turn the shower off and step out, water still rolling down my skin. I make my way back to my bedroom and don't bother to dress myself, just curling up under my bed covers as soon as I get in. I decide that I'll try and deal with Cook tomorrow. I close my eyes, once again falling asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Cook's POV

I sit in the park, watching the children play. I haven't spoken to Freddie since the incident yesterday. God, how could I be so _fucking stupid?_ I feel someone's presence come to rest beside me and I don't have to look up to know who it is.

"What am I doing here, Cook?" She asks. All I can do is shake my head.  
"Fancy a shag?" I say, desperate to change the subject and numb the pain. Effy just looks at, one perfectly arched eyebrow raised. " _What am I doing here Cook?_ " She asks again. I sigh, knowing that I can't fool her. "I fucked up, Eff." I start, voice trembling with emotion. "As per usual, I really _really_ fucked up."

Effy says nothing and stares at me, urging me with her eyes to continue. "Freds... he's with that Josh guy from the club the other night. Like, _with him-_ with him." I explain. Whilst most people would be at least vaguely surprised at the notion of Freddie being with another man, and at the fact that I care, Effy is (or seems at the very least) completely unfazed. "So, why are you telling me?" She queries, although I get the feeling that she know why, despite the fact that even _I_ don't know.

I ponder this for a while, unsure of how to respond.

"I dunno. I guess you always seem to know everything, even when there's nothing to know." I reply weakly. "Thought maybe you could help."

She sighs and mutters, "How the hell do I always manage to become part of other people soap operas?"

In spite of the negative tone, she turns to me and tells the very thing I was dreading hearing.

"There's not really much you can do, is there?" She asks, although it seems like more of a statement than a question. "Except, of course, apologize. But as if the great James Cook could ever do as shameful a thing as that." I flinch at the sarcastic edge to her words.

"I made him cry."

"What's your point?"

"He'll hate me."

"Cook, I doubt Freddie's capable of hating you for anything. Trust me, he probably feels the same."

Silence between us takes over once again, and I realize just how much I fuckin' love her. Not in the way I used to wonder if I did, but I love her nevertheless. I stay seated as she stands and begins to walk away.

"Eff!" I call after her. She stops but doesn't turn around. "...thanks."

She turns her head to face me and flashes that Effy smile, and then she's on her way again.

No POV

It's been 4 days since the incident at the pub and Freddie and Cook have yet to discuss it. Freddie and Cook have yet to discuss anything, for that matter. Neither of them has exchanged a word. They meet with the group as they always do, but avoid each others gaze the entire time. Their friends notice of course, but decide against bringing it up. Effy just rolls her eyes. So basically, despite the fact that _nothing_ is normal, everything is...normal. That is until, one day, Freddie doesn't turn up to see the group. It's at this point that Naomi decides enough is enough.

"Cook..." She begins, trying to find the words to say. "Are you and Freddie...okay?"

Everybody goes silent.

"Hm? 'Course we are, ya silly dyke." Cook grins, praying that none of them notice that the clenching of his teeth is not actually a smile, but him physically biting down the lies.

"Bull." Katie interjects.

"Yeah," Agrees Emily. "The two of you have been acting...'strangely' recently. We're worried about you guys, Cook."

I let the fake beam drop. Swallowing, I open my mouth to explain to them that- "It's complicated. I have to go." I begin to walk away, attempting to look cool and collected since I can feel several pairs of eyes burning holes into my back. As soon as I'm out of the building, however, I break into a sprint. I somehow wind up outside Freddie's window. I debate throwing pebbles for a few seconds, but the thoughts of Freddie and Josh _touching each other_ come flooding back into my mind. And then I'm gone again, one thing leading to another and ultimately ending up at the pub where I drown my sorrows in alcohol, not caring that it's the middle of the fucking day. Someone sits beside me, and I hear Effy order a drink. I look at her.

"What the fuck are you doin' 'ere Eff?" I ask wearily.

She smirks. "I could ask you the same question."

I sigh. Quickly realizing that she's not going to get a response, she continues. "You went to Freddie's house, didn't you."

I look at her incredulously. "How the _fuck_ did you know that?"

The smirk reappears and she doesn't answer my question. "Let me guess; you showed up outside his house, but your mind was overrun by fabrications of jealousy. You couldn't _bear_ the idea of Freddie touching another man so _you ran_. You ran away like a fucking coward."

How was it that she could see right through me with such ease?

I close my eyes. "You don't understand."

She makes a sound somewhat resembling a scoff. "Of course I don't understand. I don't get close to people and ultimately, look who's happiest right now."

I'm done. "Look, I'm _in love_ with him and I can't _fucking help it_!" I hiss. "I love him and I can't have him."

Effy stares me in the face.

"You can take anything if you want it enough."


End file.
